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The Janine who stole Christmas (2011) Part 1 (5 December 2011), Illustrations by Martin Geraghty Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Square Not a person dared stir, dared e'en move a hair Lest Santa, discovering them out of their bed, Be tempted to divert to Weatherfield instead. But hang on a minute, two souls WERE defying The law of no moving, they weren't even trying. Two people quite different, but in the same house One sweet young princess, one cold-hearted louse. Young Tiffany Butcher was creeping downstairs, To check if Pa Christmas had answered her prayers And delivered the gift that she wanted so dearly She tiptoed and breathlessly peaked in and nearly... Bumped into a person. A person, quite slim If it was Santa Claus, he'd shrunk in his skin This person was different, and this bit's quite shocking This person was nicking each parcel, each stocking Was grabbing each present and shoving it in A sack with all the Square's Christmas presents in: An Orient scarf, some leopard-print mitts, A football, a bible, a Wham! Greatest Hits ]] "Thief!" Tiff yelled out but before she could stop it, The tealeaf screamed "Oh hell!', proceeding to hop it. Then flew out the door and ran past the Vic "Whitney! Wake up! Stop that thief, quick!" Tiff howled. But that person ran fast as they could. And by the allotments they pulled back their hood. They opened their bag with all Walford's swag in it Then cackled aloud for more than a minute At the thought of each person upon Christmas morn Skipping downstairs to find every gift gone. Moons, Slaters, Mitchells all wondering who Would do such a thing to them? Who? Who? Who? Who? Well who would do such a thing, you might sigh. To make every single Walfordian cry? A person so cold-hearted, callous and mean? Well. A person you know. By the name of .. JANINE! Meanwhile, little Tiff stood in the Square crying Her faith in humanity rapidly dying When suddenly appeared, in a leopard-print coat A fairy godmother, upon a milk float. This hero, right lippy, vowed no one would ruin Tiff's Christmas like this. That person? Kat Moon. And with a flick of stilettos, clickety-clack, She promised to get everyone's Christmas gifts back. And so with Janine heading home all aglow, Cheerfully convinced, as she walks through the snow, That Christmas is cancelled. Blissful, unaware, That Kat's on a mission to re-festive the Square. ]] Part 2 (6 December 2011), Illustrations by Martin Geraghty Christmas was cancelled, the presents were stolen. The one stocking left, had nowt but a hole in. Janine was indoors hogging everyone's treats While Kat and young Tiff were out hunting the thief. And yet, as she opened each gift with a giggle Janine couldn't help feel a worrisome niggle Revenge felt so good, yet she couldn't erase The look of pure horror on Tiffany's face. Poor Tiffany. Really she wasn't so bad. In truth she didn't deserve to be sad Now, Bianca gets nothing. Or Pat? Ha! Ha! Good! But ransack Tiff's Christmas? Not even she could. And so with a sigh, she went for her sack So the Butchers at least would have their pressies back. Really, such softness made Janine feel icky But aside from young Tiff, she owed it to Ricky. But as Janine dressed and got ready to peg it Kat found some footprints and started to leg it Towards Janine's house. Right up to the door She was going to catch her and give her what for. Meanwhile, Phil Mitchell woke up in his bed And reached for his pressie, but found there instead A note saying "You stupid old fool! You've been had! You're a loser, a bully, a terrible dad. and Shirley Carter ]] ... I've taken your present. I've got it! It's mine! Your nasal hair strimmer will do me just fine." And Phil, red with fury, stomped out with a roar Straight into Kat as Janine shut the door. Unseen, undetected, behind all their backs As Phil stumbled groggily into her tracks. "Mitchell! Phil Mitchell! We've got you, you thief! You think you're invincible? Now you've got beef." Brave Tiffany squared up and glaring at Phil Said, "You did it! You stole 'em! Call the old bill!" And Phil just laughed. And laughed. He thought it was funny? The Square's biggest crime since the Christmas club money? "You think that I did it? That I stole your dolly? My gifts are gone too! You're right off your trolley!" So with Phil off the hook, where was the cheat? Well, Janine returned home with her mission complete. She'd returned Tiff's presents. And the rest of those pests'. Now Janine could look forward to opening the rest Of the gifts that belonged to the poor folk who stood In the Square, in the cold, baying for blood. But lo! Janine rummaged around in her lair To discover the presents were no longer there! She ran outside yelling. "Help! I've been robbed!" "You and the rest of us," Dot and Rose sobbed. And they gathered around and gave her a hug And promised they'd track down that dastardly thug. "Stop it!" said Alfie. "We don't need that stuff! Come to the Vic for a festive knees-up!" And everyone beamed and went in from the snow And while Kim stood suggestively 'neath mistletoe In an effort to get the one present she wanted, Janine was confused: was Albert Square haunted? And then, out of nowhere, the lights all went out. "What's happening? We're cursed!" Denise shouted out. But as Kat lit the candles, they discovered with glee Each pilfered present 'neath the Vic Christmas tree. And when Morgan and Whitney texted Liam's phone, To tell Tiff her presents were waiting at home, Everyone rejoiced and hugged one another. And Janine said 'Bah humbug' and left with a shudder. And so, we leave our friends in old Albert Square With the spirit of Christmas afloat in the air. And to all EastEnders fans - right through to the Queen, Let's hope your presents aren't nicked by Janine! , Alfie Moon and Tiffany Butcher ]] Easties (2012) Easties is a Comic Strip created by Ed Sellek. *Bad Penny (11 June 2012) *Be careful what you wish for... (28 June 2012) *Sharon's back (13 August 2012) *Bubblicious_(12 September 2012) *Big Brother (15 October 2012) *Back in the Day (21 November 2012) , Lola Pearce and Derek Branning ]] and Fatboy ]] , Phil Mitchell and Sharon Watts ]] and Kim Fox ]] , Jack Branning and Kim Fox ]] , Lauren Branning, Kat Slater, Lexi Pearce and Lola Pearce ]] Category:Comics